Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to church yesterday so I won't be able to do a recap of the sermon. I'm just gonna be real with you guys- I had a pretty rough weekend. Without boring you all with too many details, I will just say that I was in a lot of pain. It started Thursday night with what we think was my SI joint coming completely out of place. When I say a lot of pain, I mean probably the most extreme amount of physical pain I have ever been in at one time. That is saying a lot considering I have been through two major shoulder surgeries and two straight years of rehab and recovery among many other injuries. I was sobbing crying, almost screaming honestly. I couldn't walk or even stand up. My poor mom and husband were just frantically trying to help me and comfort me and bring me any type of relief they could. I can honestly say that I would not have made it through the last couple of years without those two. They have been my rocks.
The crying was all from pain but after I could relax a little bit the frustration and anger started to set it. Whyyyy?! NOT AGAIN GOD! Why was I laid upstairs in the bed on ice packs on Thanksgiving when my whole family was in town and having a good time together? Why was I not able to go shopping with my sister in law on Good Friday like we do as our tradition every year? Why am I 27 years old and currently seeing 3 different specialists for 3 different problems? Why can't I work out anymore without pain? Why can't I go through a single DAY without physical pain? If it isn't one thing it's another. I know to some of you it probably sounds like I am complaining but you have to understand- my life has been completely turned upside down and WRECKED for the last couple of years due to physical pain. It has messed with my job, my coaching, my fitness, my relationships with others, my relationship with the Lord, and much more. Chronic pain is the devil. I don't mean that jokingly- I literally think that this is Satan's way of trying to break me down. I WILL NOT BREAK. I WILL CONTINUE TO TRUST IN AND RELY ON MY GOD.
Please pray for me if you don't mind. I would really appreciate it. I got a call from my doctor today saying he wants me to start back to physical therapy. The last few months have been my first months NOT in therapy in years. And here we go again. It's exhausting. It's draining. It's painful. It's expensive. Please pray that we see results that steer me completely away from the dreaded "S" word (surgery if you didn't get that).
Not only was I plagued with physical pain this past weekend but I was also plagued with "heart" pain. I fought back tears all weekend in this regard. I am not going to go into any kind of specifics but my heart just hurts for a lot of people around me. Some days I honestly just can't wait for Jesus to come back. I hate constantly being disappointed by people that I love. I hate watching people that I love suffer. I hate watching people that I love make terrible choices over and over again and I especially hate watching them painfully suffer the consequences. I hate looking at the news and seeing all of the evil and violence in the world. I hate watching people that are so enticed by the things of this world that they abandon their families and their God. I hate that our nation is so divided and that there is so much hatred. I hate what is happening in Ferguson. I despise the things of this world!!!
Sorry for this depressing post! I will leave you with something that really did "move me" and make me smile today!
Read this article if you need a quick reminder that even with all the evil and violence and hate and sin in this world- there are still some really darn awesome people.
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